


Catboy Nagito and the Wet Ass Despair

by SPolaris



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Assassination, Catboys & Catgirls, Courtroom Drama, Despair, Gen, Hope, Inappropriate Humor, Needles, Restraints, Sexual Humor, Trials
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:07:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28783182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SPolaris/pseuds/SPolaris
Summary: Nagito Komaeda is put on trial for the assassination of the supreme leader. And the punishment is... being forcibly turned into a catboy.Spoilers for Danganronpa 2 and V3.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 7
Kudos: 50





	Catboy Nagito and the Wet Ass Despair

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to Pear for the idea.

Supreme Leader Ouma was dead. The ruthless tyrant had found himself on the receiving end of a pistol just three days prior. His untimely demise was of no surprise to any of Kokichiland’s citizens; the supreme leader had made many enemies throughout his long and horrific reign. 

The person who had taken Ouma’s life was none other than his right-hand man, Nagito Komaeda. Nagito had grown increasingly frustrated with the supreme leader’s tendency to harass his subordinates. Recently, Ouma had chosen to publicly humiliate Nagito by trapping him in an archaic gaming system known as a “Nintendo DS.” The blurry graphics, low battery life, and lack of wireless support drove him to the brink of insanity. Small wonder that immediately upon being released from his handheld prison, he chose to commit homicide...

Nagito could still remember the exhilarating feeling of killing the dictator. He had snuck into Ouma’s private kitchen, undetected. The supreme leader’s back was turned; he was too busy raiding the fridge for his favorite beverage. Nagito only had to raise his weapon and pull the trigger.

Unfortunately, it was right then that one of Ouma’s concubines, Shuichi Saihara, walked into the room. Shuichi’s high-pitched screeching alerted all of the palace guards, who dashed in and apprehended Nagito. He was immediately thrown into Kokichiland’s maximum-security prison, famous for its brutal conditions and lack of air conditioning.

And there he waited, anticipating his upcoming demise… if not by the swing of the executioner’s blade, then by the sweltering summer heat, seeping through the walls of his concrete cell. 

Nagito was almost disappointed by the lack of support for Ouma’s assassination. Ouma’s poor leadership and ineffective policies had brought the country to the brink of collapse. His extravagant pranks had emptied the national treasury. The country’s factories were only designed to produce grape-flavored soda (the dictator’s favorite), so the economy was crippled. Finally, the nation’s populace was completely uneducated, since all the textbooks were filled with robot dick jokes.

Ouma’s reign had brought so much despair to the people of Kokichiland. Nagito would have typically encouraged his tyrannical behavior, since it could’ve fostered a greater struggle for hope within the lower classes. However, the incident with the Nintendo DS was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Nagito was tired of waiting.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the cell gate creaking open. He looked up and locked eyes with the prison guard: Hajime Hinata.

“Ah, Hajime… did you take time out of your busy day just to see me?” he crooned.

Hajime rolled his eyes. “Get up. It’s time for your trial.”

“Trial? I didn’t know that we still had those. Supreme Leader Ouma usually just decided things on his own by flipping a coin, or looking at his lottery numbers.”

“Shut it and get moving. Or else.” Hajime tapped the nightstick hanging on the side of his belt. 

“Or else… what? You’ll beat me repeatedly with your stick?” Nagito groaned hungrily. “I never knew you were interested in that kind of thing, Hajime. That’s so dirty.” 

Hajime’s face turned a deep red. He grabbed Nagito by the wrist and marched him out of the cell.

The walk down the hallway was remarkably silent. Despite the size of the prison, very few people were actually in it. The government certainly didn’t have the money to house large numbers of criminals or staff large prison complexes. Nagito wouldn’t be surprised if Hajime was the only guard in the entire building.

The two of them stepped in front of a large, velvet-colored door.

“Before the trial, I’ll inform you of your civil liberties,” Hajime said. “Oh, wait. You don’t have any.”

As if on command, the velvet door yawned open, revealing a dark, dilapidated courtroom. In front of them sat the judge, his rotund figure pressing against the bench. His lavender-pink hair was draped messily across his face. His navy blue jacket, several sizes too small, clung desperately to his large body. There was only one person that could be: the Ultimate Imposter, dressed up as Chiaki Nanami. 

“Prisoner, approach!” he demanded. Hajime pushed Nagito forward, and the two of them tread slowly to the judge’s bench.

“Hello there, Mr. Imposter. I see you’ve decided to disguise yourself as the Ultimate Gamer today,” Nagito said.

“Indeed, it seemed appropriate… considering how this crime was connected to a gaming console,” the Imposter surmised. 

“Well, looks like my motive’s been found out,” Nagito laughed.

“Of course, it’s also possible that this assassination was actually politically motivated,” the judge continued. “Perhaps you wanted to free the country from Ouma’s authoritarian grip… in which case, you have my thanks. The country is finally healing from years of strife.”

“Oh, no. An Ultimate such as yourself should never praise worthless garbage like me,” Nagito began. “After all, what’s to say I didn’t commit this crime purely out of rage? A useless, disgusting person like me would never be able to kill for such a selfless reason…”

“Whatever your motive was, pardoning you would anger the rabid Kokichi fans. The only way we can reconcile with the loyalists is if we punish you severely.”

“Yes… YES!” Nagito cackled loudly. “Use me as your stepping stone for hope! With my death, you’ll save this entire country from the gaping maw of despair!”

The Ultimate Imposter sighed profusely. “I almost pity you,” he said. “Very well then, bring it in.”

Nagito continued laughing as the loud clanking of moving machinery sounded throughout the courtroom. A large panel on one of the courtroom walls opened up, revealing a wooden chair with restraints. A moving conveyor belt slowly pushed the chair towards the center of the room.

“Nagito Komaeda, you are guilty of the crime of assassinating the supreme leader of Kokichiland,” the judge said. “I sentence you to despair injection.”

Nagito’s laughter stopped abruptly. “Despair injection?”

“Yes. Our scientists recently discovered a highly toxic chemical known as ‘Wet Ass Despair.’ Its properties make it highly suitable for the dispensation of justice.” 

“Pardon me, but what exactly does this ‘Wet Ass Despair’ stuff do, exactly?” Hajime interrupted. 

“Within two minutes after injection, the prisoner will sprout new ears on the top of their skull, resembling those of a feline’s,” the Ultimate Imposter said. “In three minutes, a tail will start growing out of the coccyx.”

“Wait… does that mean...?” Nagito asked hesitantly.

“Yes. Within four minutes, your brain capacity will start to diminish greatly, rendering you incapable of normal human speech. The eyes will change size and color as well.” 

“So… he’ll turn into a catboy?” Hajime asked, raising an eyebrow. “Who approved this form of punishment?”

“The person I’m dressed up as, of course,” the Imposter said. 

“And here I thought my pitiful excuse of a life would finally come to an end,” Nagito sighed, staring at the floor. “Such hopelessness. I’m disappointing all the people that called for my death.”

“Believe me, there weren’t very many of them.” the judge mused. “You have almost as many fans as the supreme leader, which is why we didn’t choose to outright execute you. And in your new form, you’ll finally achieve your dream of spreading hope. Nothing beats depression like watching a catboy mindlessly flounder about in his cage.

“Now, it’s time we stopped delaying the inevitable. Hajime, strap the defendant to the chair immediately.”

Hajime did as he was told, dragging Nagito to the chair. He began putting on all the restraints. 

“You don’t need to do that, sweet Hajime,” Nagito said. “I won’t try to run from my punishment. Of course, if you actually enjoy tying me up like this… please continue.”

“Y-You…!” Hajime stuttered. “You’re about to get injected with catboy toxins, and you’re still joking around?”

Nagito shrugged. “Hey, it’s not the worst way to go. By the way, will you still be taking care of me after my transformation?”

“Ugh… probably…”

“I’m happy with that arrangement. Just make sure to clean out my litter box from time to time, okay?”

Flustered, Hajime continued putting on the restraints. When he was nearly finished, he leaned forward and sighed.

“To be honest, I’m really sorry that it had to come to this. Killing Ouma was one of the few good ideas you’ve had, and now you’re getting punished for it.”

“Awww, I didn’t know you would actually miss me, Hajime-kun. I’ll let that thought comfort me in my final moments as a normal human being.”

“Alright, stop colluding with the prisoner!” the Imposter snapped. “NURSE! It’s time for the injection!”

The velvet doors opened once more. Out of the shadows stepped Maki Harukawa, pushing a cart filled with medical supplies and chemicals. She was wearing a dark black apron stained with dried blood.

“You’re the prison nurse?” Hajime asked. “What happened to Mikan?” 

“She got fired yesterday,” Maki said. “Ouma was the only one dumb enough to trust her with needles. Since I happen to be quite familiar with injecting poison into people against their will, I was selected as her replacement.”

“Well, you won’t find any resistance from me,” Nagito said happily. “I only struggle when Hajime-kun tries to take advantage of me.”

“WHAT?!” Hajime cried.

Maki glowered at Nagito. “Do you want to die?”

“I prefer the term ‘enter the Heaviside Layer,’” Nagito said.

“No references to disturbing musicals in my courtroom,” said the Imposter. “Now hurry up. I have business to attend to after this.”

Maki retrieved a syringe and a bottle of sickly dark liquid out of the cart. She dipped the tip of the syringe into the bottle and began extracting the Wet Ass Despair. 

“By the way, I leave all my possessions and money to Hajime,” Nagito said. “A pitiful Reserve Course student like him needs everything he can get.”

“Nagito...”

“It’s also partially out of thanks,” Nagito said. “Since you’ll have to listen to my incessant ‘meows’ and ‘nyans’ for years to come.”

Hajime exhaled. “I guess... that’s going to be really re-PET-itive.”

Maki looked like she wanted to hit her head against the wall. She brought the needle to Nagito’s arm.

“Hey!” Hajime cried. “Be careful with that. You don’t want to hurt him too badly.”

“Don’t tell me how to carry out my semi-executions,” Maki grumbled. “And why are you concerned about his well-being?” 

She turned to Nagito. “I would ask you for your last words,” she began, “but you’d probably just spout off some lousy reference to popular culture.”

Nagito smiled. “Bring a bucket and a mop for this Wet Ass Despair.”

Maki looked like she wanted to hit her head against the wall AFTER gluing broken glass to it. She moved to inject the vile catboy fluid into Nagito’s bloodstream, when—

“STOP!”

Hajime tackled Maki to the floor. The syringe flew out of her hand and clattered to the ground.

“Ugh. What now?” the Imposter said indignantly.

“We need to delay the trial!” Hajime shouted. “After all, there’s no real evidence that he committed the crime in question!”

“Evidence?!” the judge barked. “They saw him standing over the body with a gun in his hand!”

“He was framed! This is Danganronpa after all, there’s probably some supremely convoluted mystery behind everything!”

The Imposter snorted. “Let me guess, the real killer was hiding in the fridge when they shot Ouma. Then they dropped the gun, fled the scene of the crime, and Nagito just happened to pick it up.”

“That’s a good theory,” Hajime said. “Let me piece all this together by snowboarding in my head…”

“NO!” the judge’s voice boomed. “We will not delay the injection. Miss Harukawa, subdue the guard immediately.”

“I’m not getting paid enough for this.” 

Maki kicked Hajime in the stomach. He recoiled in pain. She reached out for the syringe, only for it to be snatched away by Hajime at the last second.

“Do you want to die?”

“No, I do not want to change the color of a fabric by imparting it with a pigmented substance,” said Hajime. “Thanks for asking.”

The two of them began wrestling over the syringe, violently kicking and punching each other. Nagito watched them with slight amusement, while the Imposter shook his fist and barked many unheeded commands.

And suddenly, the scuffle was over. Hajime suddenly collapsed to the floor.

“Agh… what’s happening...” Hajime moaned. 

“You idiot.” Maki scowled. 

The syringe was deeply embedded into Hajime’s right arm. It was already empty.

“What have you DONE?” cried the Imposter. “That was the only vial of Wet Ass Despair in the entire country! It’ll cost us a fortune to get more!”

“So… does that mean I won’t become a catboy?” Nagito asked.

“Not in the foreseeable future,” Maki said.

Nagito grimaced. “How hopeless. This story literally has 'Catboy Nagito' in the title. Misleading advertising is so despair-inducing…”

Hajime let out a loud groan. He brought his hands to the top of his head.

“Nyan… it-it hurts… it feels like something’s poking out of my skull…”

Nagito watched with fascination as two furry cat ears sprouted out from Hajime’s frizzy brown hair. “I suppose this answers the age-old question. Do catboys have two ears, or four?”

“This is a travesty,” the Imposter grumbled. “To witness such a disastrous failure of justice in my own courtroom…”

“Does this mean I can leave?” Maki asked.

“WHAT?!” roared the judge. “You’re responsible for this! Until I report this incident to the Department of Justice, I’m not letting you out of my sight!”

“Bye,” said Maki. She nonchalantly jumped backward and somersaulted expertly out of the courtroom.

“Get back here!” The Imposter got up from his bench and sprinted after her. His speed was particularly impressive, given his prodigious girth. 

“What a shame… now they won’t get to watch the rest of the metamorphosis,” Nagito said. All of a sudden, the restraints on his chair broke and clattered to the floor.

“Nyan… how did you do that?” Hajime purred. “Ah… even my dialogue verbs are changing now.”

“Oh, sweet Hajime. I’ve had years of experience with being tied up. Your paltry attempts at restraining me were entertaining but futile.”

At that moment, Hajime let out a loud, pained meow. His face turned red. Nagito laughed.

“The tail should be growing right about now, correct? Here, let me help you with that.”

Nagito took off Hajime’s belt with his mouth. Just kidding, with his hands. With the tight band around his waist loosened, Hajime’s tail sprung out from the back of his pants. He purred in relief. 

That relief didn’t last long, however.

“Nya-nya-nyagito…” Hajime meowed. “I’m scurred… I can't even talk pro-purr-ly anymeow… help me…”

“Don’t worry, my beloved catboy. You’ll be safe under my undying love and protection.”

“Nyagito…” He closed his eyes.

Nagito cradled Hajime in his arms (platonically, of course) as the Wet Ass Despair slowly took over his mind. A few long moments passed.

Hajime opened his eyes. His pupils were small black slits. He let out a single meow.

“It’s time for us to go.” 

Nagito carried Hajime out of the courtroom. It didn’t take long for him to find the exit to the prison complex. Maki and the Imposter had left it open during their mad dash to leave the courtroom.

From then on, Nagito and Hajime traveled around the country, curing the citizens’ despair with cute catboy antics. A new age of hope began in Kokichiland. 


End file.
